When we first married we were like children, discovering each other's bodies, chasing one another around the house, canceling plans so we could stay home in bed kissing, touching, learning to find the spots that would become like home, but at the time were foreign and unexplored. The miracles of modern birth control guaranteed consequence-free pleasure.

As we changed, so did sex. Immersed in graduate school, in our careers and in the business of marriage—the house buying, decorating, merging of finances and caring for our pets—we let our sex life drift into low tide, the passion slowly slipping back from the shore, revealing the rocks that had been hidden from view, ignored beneath the surf.

We had sex, of course, but what was once new and exciting became almost rote, boring at times. A sense of obligation pervaded our encounters, and I longed for the time when things were new, fresh and exciting. Our trips to the sex toy shop—once frequent, fun little diversions—dwindled to almost none. My husband never admitted it, but I think he felt the same. The Best Sex Toys for Couples

After three years of this, the pregnancy came as a welcome surprise—not planned, but not maligned either. Sex was never going to be the same, something I realized almost immediately. It seemed my organs had shifted and suddenly no position was comfortable and my body felt foreign, invaded.

Two months after the birth, I saw my midwife again. My body was still swollen, I had twenty pounds left to lose and had not managed to change out of sweatpants for three days. "If you feel up to it, you could start having sex again," she cheerfully told me after checking my stitches.

I didn't.

The idea of anything going into the place where something so large just exited was not only unappealing, it was downright absurd. I could scarcely sit down for weeks after the birth and was still taking sitz baths almost a month later.

LADIES IF YOU WANA DATE MULTIPLE MEN THE FOLLOW THIS BELLOW

Acceptable: Remaining level-headed and reasonable if you discover that he is also dating other chicks. The Frisky: Friskyscopes For The Week Of April 11-17, 2011

Unacceptable: Flying into a jealous rage if you find out he also has lots o' ladies lined up.

"Low Sex Drive? The Natural Way To Increase Sexual Desire In Women" is sponsored by Zestra.

What's a girl with a low sex drive to do? The answer may surprise you.

Traditional advice suggests "spicing things up" with toys or bedroom games, but it's hard to imagine finding the enthusiasm to browse at a sex store when simply thinking about doing the deed exhausts you. Author Pamela Madsen suggests an unusual approach: "Consider using a book as a sex toy."

Before you twist your brain into a knot trying to imagine how that might work, relax; Madsen is speaking figuratively. She advocates an approach known as bibliotherapy, and it was a key factor of the sexual awakening she describes in her memoir Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure... and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner.

"Bibliotherapy works." Madsen says. "It reassured me that my desires were not unusual or abnormal in any way, and it supported me on my way to shamelessness."

What Is Bibliotherapy?

Dr. Susan Kellogg, a medical sexologist and reproductive health expert, explains: "Bibliotherapy is a fancy name for something simple: promoting sexual behavior through reading."

"Research suggests that women experience increased spontaneous arousal and desire if they have ready access to a library of arousing images and associations. When you read erotic literature, you create a little library in your brain, and sometimes you need to 'check something out' to get yourself in the mood. You can very consciously choose to focus on a passage you read and found stimulating when you want to increase your sexual arousal."

Kellogg notes that in addition to helping women actively increase desire, bibliotherapy also has physiological benefits. "There's some research out there that suggests that fantasizing increases pro-sexual chemicals such as dopamine and testosterone, so bibliotherapy can be a powerful tool on multiple levels for a woman who is experiencing low sex drive

WHAT ME AND ANY REAL MAN LIKE IN AWOMAN IS.,.,,,,,.,.,..,.,.,..

If you want to win the right man's heart, you need to know what it is that makes a man go from just feeling casual about dating you to wanting and needing you on a deeper level. I'm going to take you inside a man's mind you so you understand what it takes to trigger this kind of connection. And I'm talking about a real man – one who is mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. They are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level. I'm betting that's exactly why you're on this site: to find a quality kind of guy – a real man looking for a real relationship. So what does a mature, REAL man want in a woman?

#1) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Playful
There's something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of "connection" – play. Men love to be active and to play. They were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through action. Unfortunately, too many women seem to forget this and want to talk their way into a man's heart. But the fact is that men don't "feel it" for you because of what you say. It's not your words that make a man attracted to you, it's the experiences you create with him. Watch or play sports together, be competitive in casual games like ping pong – even add a little teasing and sarcasm here and there – and you’ll really ramp up the attraction and interest.

#2) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who Is Independent

Lots of women mistakenly believe that men are looking for a "weaker" woman who will make them feel like they are smarter and more powerful. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Real men want a woman who inspires them because she has great things going on her own life. They want a woman who has her own purpose other than being in a relationship. A great guy isn’t intimidated by independence and success. What matters to a man is that a woman still has space in her

So, if you normally have the same weekend routine, mix it up. Come up with something different and interesting to do. Pick a sport that you can do with him, go out and meet new people together, explore different ways to be intimate together, plan a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go to. And if you are together all the time, spending time apart as in step two creates newness and unpredictability, too.

If things are stalling in your relationship with a man but you used to feel very connected to him, this is actually good news for you. That's because you already have all the ingredients you need to re-light the fire of the relationship. If he was physically and emotionally attracted to you before, you can inspire the same level of closeness again. All it takes is keeping the emotional attraction strong by giving him the space he needs and creating fresh opportunities to keep you both excited about your time together.
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Understanding attraction and how it works is absolutely critical if you want to have a connected, lasting relationship with a man. To learn specific ways to create the emotional attraction that keeps a man engaged for the long term, subscribe to Christian's free e-newsletter. He'll tell you what makes a guy fall in love with you and stay in love, without any convincing or game playing on your part. Sign-up here:

If anatomy is your issue, you could follow sex counselor Ian Kerner's advice, and always follow the "intercourse plus" rule. What this means is that you should indulge in some intercourse, plus some clitoral stimulation. Or some intercourse, plus some anal play. Why? In a 20,000-participant study conducted by Juliet Richters at the University of New South Wales, only 50 percent of women were able to orgasm with intercourse alone. But the addition of extra activities—activities that stimulated their clitoris or other erogenous zones—increased their odds of achieving orgasm by 90 percent.

Is pain the issue for you? Try experimenting with different sexual positions or, if you're having problems with dryness, pile on the lube. If you're experiencing chronic pain you might want to check in with your doctor.

Other things that could help?

You could do kegel exercises regularly in order to strengthen the muscles that typically contract during orgasm. You could bring toys into the bedroom—even during sex—in order to add new sources of stimulation. You could stop thinking about that by-god orgasm, and instead concentrate on the other forms of pleasure you're feeling—after all, sex can be amazing without an orgasm. You could try a sexual arousal oil like Zestra, who is sponsoring this post.

More than anything else, though, you should identify what you like and what makes you feel good. You should talk to your partner about what makes your toes curl. You should communicate with each other so that you're having mutually rewarding sexual experiences.

You should breathe. And enjoy the moment. In the end, whether or not you reach orgasm is almost beside the point.

TEN THINGS AMAN SHOULD DO TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE
I didn't get the "How to be a Husband" manual when I got married... It must not have been available on Amazon.com that year.

The only manual I had was the one I put together watching my mom and dad navigate their relationship. I learned some good practices, and some not-so-good ones, but even with everything I learned by watching, there was a whole lot more that was never taught.

So, if I had to boil it all down and pass along some marriage wisdom, the things I would have wanted someone to tell me before I tied the knot, I would pass along these ten nuggets of husband-ness. I hope they're helpful.

1. Encourage your wife. Do you know what your wife's dreams are? Do you care? You should. She needs you to support her in her life. She doesn't want to be thought of as a second-class citizen. When you find out what she cares about, encourage her to go do it. If she feels like you won't let her, she'll end up resenting you down the road, and no one likes resentful people.

2. Become the spiritual leader of your home. Your wife needs you to be the spiritual leader. The old "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" saying is true. If you don't lead your wife in spiritual situations, she might try to lead you, and this can cause pressure in your marriage.

3. Stop looking at porn. Porn introduces someone else into your relationship. Now, you may argue, "It's not a real person," but when you're trying to be intimate with your wife, that picture is all you think about. And guess what? Your wife also thinks that picture is all you're thinking about, which makes her feel used. Pornography distorts your mind when it comes to real intimacy—that real human being you share your bed with. So, ditch the porn. Become intimately involved with your wife instead.

4. Have healthy, encouraging male friendships. No more hanging out with guys who badmouth their wives. No more guys who check out porn and send

SHOULD WOMEN DATE YOUNGER MEN
I am in my late twenties, but I don't really look like I am. On average, people will guess that I'm about seven years younger—and yes, I am fully aware that when I turn 40, I will appreciate this and recognize that it's a good thing. At the moment, however, it can be frustrating in both my career and in my dating life.

When I was working as an adjunct-English instructor at a university, I taught classes of college freshman who greeted me with suspicious stares, and later admitted that they thought I was only a few years older than them. I had to work hard to earn their respect. When it comes to dating, the men I meet often assume that I'm younger, as well, which means that the ones who take an interest in me remain around the same age, while I continue to age. Year after year. I'm still in the process of deciding how I feel about that.

If you were to examine my family tree, you would note that I am surrounded by couples that are made up of older men and younger women. My dad is eleven years older than my mom, and my brother is eight years older than his wife. Both are happily married to this day. When I was younger, I naturally assumed I would marry an older guy, and believed wholeheartedly in the notion that women matured faster than men. I assumed it was a scientific fact, although I never did any research to back it up. All I had to do was look at the immature guys at my high school. They were proof enough. Three Relationship Killers: Emotional Immaturity, Selfishness, and Instant Gratification
Later in life, after I had finished college and moved to New York, I became roommates with a girl named Tiffany who had a drastically different perspective on the subject. One night, she and I were hanging out in our Manhattan apartment, drinking wine and chatting about life. I asked her what it was like to date younger guys, and she told me this: "Once you start dating younger men, you'll never go back."

I looked at her skeptical

"They also seem to appreciate you more because of the age difference. They're more likely to listen to you because they're younger and less stuck in their ways." Age Differences: I'm 22, He's 35. Can This Work?

I picked up the bottle of Cab we were sharing and added a little more to my glass. "This sounds too perfect," I said. "There has to be a downside."

"There can be. Depending on how old he is, you might find that he doesn't have enough life experience."
Life experience. It was one of the most subjective variables out there, and would certainly differ from person to person. Who was to say the fireman I'd met a few years back didn't have more life experience than I did? He was technically the one with a full-time job, while I was still a graduate student. Tiffany's speech intrigued me, and I vowed that the next time a younger guy asked me out on a date, I would give him a fair shot.

I got my chance right before I left New York City and moved back to California. I had known this guy—we'll call him Sam—for about a month, when we found ourselves sitting next to each other at an Irish pub. We were having drinks with some mutual friends, and throughout the course of the evening, we started to have our own conversation. We chatted about our jobs, and our backgrounds, and our experiences so far in Manhattan. Basic getting-to-know-you fare. And it was going well. In fact, there was one point when I looked across the table and was genuinely surprised to find that our other friends were sitting there. I was so absorbed in my conversation with Sam, I had momentarily forgotten.

Toward the end of the evening, the inevitable subject of age started to rear its ugly head. He was talking about his brothers and sisters and I asked how old they were, which led to the disclosure of his age—23. He was officially six, going on seven, years younger than me. 25-Year Age Difference: Can It Work?

"My sister's quite a bit older, though," Sam said. "She's, like, almos